My Life with Functional Neurological Disorder: Heavy Lobbying

Monday was emotional. First saying goodbye to the Roseberries and then seeing Anna-Mae for the first time in roughly 45 years.

I watered for the entire time between the morning departure and the afternoon arrival. There’s been precious little rain (one day) since mid-July. Plus, I got one article done—the hardest one—for the clinic doctors to peruse and approve. I’m hoping for rain tomorrow, but I’m not optimistic. They say there’ll be showers, but when they say that, there rarely are any on Gabe.

After Anna-Mae left, I felt overwhelming relief. After three days of talking, I was burned out. I began a short period focused on silence. I had a nice simple dinner before doing a lot of clinic work.

I’ve been kind of overwhelmed by the amount of work I’m doing. I wasn’t complaining, but I am having to get used to a different way of leading my life day-to-day. The closer one gets to the centre of the storm; the more effort is required to stay grounded. I was on the verge of complaining out of envy for couch time. But I learned from gardening, not to complain about work. There is always abundant benefit in doing it.

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My loved being a technical writer. It didn’t feel like only writing to me; it felt like problem solving. My work was the solution to the problem. You want to sell couches? Here’s what words to use. What to sell tickets? Here’s what words to use. Want to get doctors?

Here’s how I’m lobbying for a $20,000 signing bonus:

1. Do you believe our positions are a challenge to fill?

2. Would you like me to write a short paper explaining why I do?

3. Do you believe that there is a lot of competition from other communities seeking doctors?

4. Would you like me to write a short paper explaining why I do?

5. Do you agree that we need to be competitive?

6. Can you think of a better incentive and headline than a financial incentive to attract interest in our positions?

7. If you think a financial incentive is a good idea, what kind of incentive do you suggest? And how can you make it work for the Foundation without lessening the impact of the lure?

Here’s a proposal: Advertising $20,000 bonus (to be named after thoughtful consideration—signing bonus, moving bonus, housing bonus); half paid on arrival, second half paid at the beginning of year two that binds the doctor to a second year of service. What I’m proposing is a plan aiming to retain new arrival for at least two years. That gives our retention practices two years to establish a beneficial bond and prolong service.

It's not an obvious pitch form. My pitches seldom are. That’s how I get attention. I love questions. I love asking them, particularly instead of being accusatory or judgemental. Questions are a research tool. Questions build bridges. Questions are inclusive. The board will have questions, I’m sure.

Sales, whether of items or ideas, is a game that can be played many ways. I play games with words. I solve problems with words. When I pitched myself for contracts, I called myself a specialist in persuasive copywriting. I’ve given you an example. Is my (self) advertising, correct?

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“Helping” stutterers by guessing words that the stutterer is trying to say, or finishing sentences, is a big deal in the stuttering community. Most stutterers think it’s insulting and/or rude to do any of those things. Not me. I love it. When people do that for me, I’m happy. It helps me get past difficult words and makes conversation move quicker.

I had my first experience with an oh, fuck! face. An oh, fuck! face is what I call the look I saw on a person’s face when I tried to speak to him. It was intolerable for him to listen to me. He was as frustrated as I was, but seeing it hurt me. This is new because this level of disability is new, too.