What to do? What to do?

An early morning walk before the recent welcome clouds came.
I love, love, love and empty landscape—empty of people that it.

Arbutus trees stupefy with their profile. The drought has
caused this one to shed its leaves.

Awake and at my desk at 6:00 am Sunday morning, I look at my calendar to see what is ahead this week, and I see nothing—I have not one date or meeting on my agenda until next Saturday when I go to Bowen Island for a birthday celebration. What the Hell am I going to do?

I so wish I could find a passion for reading. The earth moves for me when I read a good book and I have read voraciously at times but now, to be honest, I find it boring. I fall asleep. It’s the same with TV. I cannot sit still for a television show except for the extremely rare show (such as Endeavor currently).

I recently found a certain bliss making costumes. Making the four costumes and wigs for my show was a highlight of my life and so I’ve been shaping my thinking about future projects keeping the making of costumes in mind. But this morning I realize it is not necessarily costumes I want to make.

The other night, I wanted to watch a TV show but I knew I would get antsy sitting for an hour and so I played solitaire whilst listening to the show instead of watching it—a lot of television need not be watched when you get right down to it. So I played a new game of solitaire I have learned and listened to the program (about using viruses delivering cell-specific medicine).

I listened to the program and glanced at images when I wanted. Playing solitaire concurrently made it easy to sit through the program and I realized that it is doing things with my hands—not necessarily making costumes—is what I want to do.

I feel like the little boy I once was is back, wanting to built model cars and boats again. But I don’t either; I don’t want to build models or miniature dresses. I don’t know what I want to do but now I know I want to use my hands not for typing.

I’ve been in this space before and found drawing with pencil crayon very, very satisfying. The other thing that appeals is calligraphy and the illumination of manuscripts. I may be on to something now….