Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The (Mixed) Results are In

I’m seriously stoked. I got extensive notes from Colin about my script. He praises aspects of it and is encouraging but he says there are major structural problems and outlines them. As I read them, I got more and more excited. I kept saying to myself: “I can do that; I can do this!”
I’ve never studied playwriting so it doesn’t surprise me that I have major work to do. But I am thrilled and excited by his criticism. I can hardly wait to get to work on a re-write in the morning. I am very grateful to Colin and told him so immediately.

This sign was on my bus today. The breathing is me, the anxiety is me but I would never in a million years say I was terrified of anything. My attacks are triggered in my subconscious so I never know what had triggered it. Still, the sign is helpful and thoughtful. 

This is what eight hundred chopsticks (four hundred pairs) looks like. I am so excited by what I am going to try to do (but uncertain I can do it). My fortune cookie dress has evolved to having a chops tick armature.
We had our third Wholesters event today and its very clear we all enjoy it. Next time, we’re having a picnic and adventure. I am stoked that our events are so appreciated by all who participate. Today was really fun; we met at the Pavillion in Stanley Park and had lunch on the patio and then we walked through the park to the seawall, about half way around the park and home.
I told Dr. Shoja about something weird that’s been going on. The example I gave her was the problem I have picking up the soap from its container on the side of the tub. It’s like my hand is magnetically repelled by the soap.
She put a little table in front of me with a pen on it. When I tried to pick up the pen, it was the same. It was very difficult. So she said, “Look at it. See where it is. Now close your eyes and keep them closed and pick up the pen.” Piece of cake.
She explained that is why I cannot speak here at home when I test my speech in the morning and why I can speak, with stuttering, to friends. I can talk to friends because my  mind is on my friends, not speaking — in the same way that I can pick up the pen when my eyes are closed.
This morning, I looked at the soap, closed my eyes and picked it up without a single shake or quaver.
I noticed that when I was carving my dress, that if I reached for the knife while I was looking at it that it was hard. But if I did it unconsciously while I was looking at what I was carving and not the knife, it was easy.

Call me crazy.

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