Thursday, February 15, 2018


What a joy to wake up this morning. I can walk without limping. Hooray!!! My hips took a hit in my fall and yesterday I felt like an old, old man.
Also my speech was super weird. Dwight and I were laughing about it together on Skype. My stutter was almost gone but I could only talk like a person who was super stoned or drunk. It was hilarious. Today I am back to stuttering and it’s bad.
But oh my God …Wednesday was another sunny day. It was beautiful, but I ached. I hurt opening doors or lifting anything. It’s rather brutal how much I was affected by a fall.
I had pie, of course, and a hot tub in the afternoon sunshine. That was brilliant! And while I soaked I faced the facts. When I got out I registered with Lifeline. Now, when I’m alone, I will have an alarm to push for assistance should I need it. It’s the service Sheba can work with to push the button for me should that become necessary.
I can feel the weight of my condition in a way I never have before. I think it’s because I’m winding down with Dr. S. and realizing management of my life with this condition is now totally up to me. It’s always been that way but Dr. S. allowed me to believe it wasn’t; we have been a team.
I have to prepare a package to post on my fridge, the car and my backpack for paramedics. Then I’ll be a properly prepared mental health “consumer” — that’s institute jargon for “nutcase.”
The only remaining issue is driving. I’ve ben trying to get to Victoria forever but I’m super nervous and Dr. Shoja thinks my concern is valid. There’re two issues: My safety and the safety of others on the road and not losing my license due to my seizures.
Dr. S. is giving me medication with which I can drive and Jane is willing to come with me in my car with Sheba. If I do a few long-distance drives without incident, I will try driving a longish distance alone. Vancouver Island is full of beautiful sights and I’d like to take some of the closer ones in this summer if I feel I can safely drive.
The concern isn’t really me; it’s more about driver’s who overshoot stop signs, for example, because they are aggressive. Something like that can trigger a seizure if I feel put in a dangerous situation. An animal running out on the road could do it too; I’ve even had seizures from sunlight going on and off as I drove past trees. The light is like a strobe light and it triggers me.
The mildness of my seizures make all my plans possible.
Today: Four ferry rides and city driving. Sigh. But a big chore will be struck off my ”to do” list. The next onerous task: My taxes. Double sigh.
Ma vie quotidienne…
  • I ordered Call Me By Your Name and God’s Own Country DVDs today from Amazon. They’re two movies I really want to see and for the price of going to a movie in downtown Vancouver I can have it delivered here and own it.
  • I went into town to get myself a present to feel better: A nice thick terry towel robe for commuting to and from the hot tub. I also picked up the screening for the porch and got an aluminium stovetop popcorn maker.
  • I’m so impressed with the latest cord of wood, I’m going to buy as many as I can. I’m going to clear out the junk to make enough room for, hopefully, eight cords. As the sun set today, I sat by the fire — it’s high on its hearth so that I am level with it’s base when I sit on my chaise longue — I realized it’s something I do very day. I want to have a fire every day its not too warm outside to have one. It’s the heart of my home.
  • Today will be brutal: I have four ferry rides ahead of me but if I’m lucky I’ll have enough time to get more of the massive pinecones I found in a park near John and Bunny’s place.
  • Looking for a photo of the massive door in my shed so I can ask someone to post it as free for the taking on Facebook (I am not a member), I came on photos of Leon. Oh my God, I wept. I adore Fred and Ethel but miss the intimacy Leon loved and F&E don’t share.
  • I’ve quit my SSRI medication (Cipralex) cold turkey and so far, it's good. It’s better to taper off, but no headache so far.

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