Saturday, December 29, 2018

Me ***hole

I found out yesterday that I can be a complete asshole. Mind you: I found out from an interchange with a worse asshole. 
Yesterday I went into the village and parked in tiny parking spots for small cars. (I have a Fiat.) And when I was getting into my car, my door must have bumped the car beside me because a woman emerged from the car beside me in a fury.
I did not understand what was happening as she unloaded at me. I could see her but couldn’t hear her, so I opened my door and got out of the car as she called me vicious names and was truly, truly horrid. I immediately apologized and checked the door for any sign at all of damage. There was none and I told her so, but she continued just ramped up her insults. Then she said: “You didn’t even apologize.”
“I did so,” I said. “An apology was the first thing I said to you, but you don’t deserve an apology because, madam, you are a *****.”
Yes. It came to that.
That set her off, so she actually came ‘round her car and then came at me so I pushed her back. Then two bystanders interceded and the woman drove off. 
I could barely talk as I apologized over and over again to the two people who came to intervene. I hated that I’d called her a ***** and said how ashamed I was to both of them. I was thoroughly ashamed of myself.
Then I got into the car and had a series of seizures. 
That brought the man who’d intervened back to my window. He wanted to know if I was okay. I said I was and apologized again for my behavior and he told me that he knew the woman and that she’s lost her house in the storm. 
Okay, I’m sympathetic. But this morning I’m feeling less guilty. There’s no excuse for me calling her a name and pushing her. I should not have engaged; I should have gotten back into my car and left. I have learned a lesson.
I hope I remember at the end of the summer coming, that winter can be fabulous. I—and even Sheba—get through it handsomely. Today is another surprisingly warm day. It’s cloudy and will likely rain, but the dark days of winter make being indoors with a fire, nice low lighting and quiet, and gorgeous, classical music playing and reading is such a joy and a privilege! 
I love the variety of the music on the CBC classical programs and on the many streams on their website. Today I was listening to contemporary compositions featuring extended violin solos and, oh my God, it was beautiful.
In the quietest part, whilst the violin is whispering its highest notes, the rain on the roof provided an unusual and moody background.

Sister Wendy Beckett

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