Dr. Shoja Day

We walked, we went shopping for turkey, and then I hit the chaise and read a little. Then it was time for the big event of the day: writing an annotated inventory of things I want to say for today’s meeting with Dr. Shoja on Zoom. I have a lot of things on my mind.

Each item on the inventory is numbered and I’ve carefully chosen the order. It’s in an MS word document. I chose not to write a long letter as I have done in the past. Although that way of working went well, I have chosen to not link them in a narrative, and instead, copy and paste them, one at a time, into the chat function, and we can chat after each one.

This way of working through an agenda imitates normal speech patterns. We deal with things one at a time. When I would write letters, she’d read the entire thing while I just sat there. And then she’d go over it again, answering my questions and offering commentary, point by point. It makes me feel good to present my text in a more conversational way. And it makes me feel good to find my process of devising adaptations continues.

I’m really pleased with my document for her. I’ve worked hard on it. And I’m excited about trying my new technique. I’ve asked her for a letter about FND explaining that paralysis is a symptom and that it’s happened to me in the past in medical settings. Having FND is a lot like having a job.

•

I think about David and Paula coming for Christmas all the time. I don’t recall every looking forward to Christmas except when I was with Steve.

It’s said: It’s better to give than to receive. I’m feeling that way as a result of paying for Paula’s and David’s transportation to Gabriola. Paula said that she was more excited about this holiday we’re having together than she’s been about any other Christmas for decades. And David, refused well over a decade of invitations to come, is giddy. If you could see what I saw on Zoom call on Saturday, you’d know how excited he is about coming. Gifting the stay in that beautiful lodge to Peter and Ali felt very good as well. 

I don’t want for anything, so giving is working to keep me happy. Paula’s been here many times. She loves it here. But being in a log cabin at Christmas can be special. I am going to decorate. The three of us have a strong bond built up over past visits. Paula and I were neighbours for ten years and we have a strong bond. David is gay family; I was the first person to whom he came out. And we’re all loners. It’s heavenly to have this plan to be together.

•

I was up at 4:00 this morning. I looked at my watch and thought it was 5:00. I’m waking up earlier lately. Pooey. But I’m looking forward to connecting with Dr. Shoja, and then I’m baking a tart for our Wednesday night dinner.