Sunday, December 18, 2016

A Lovely Snowy Sunday

It’s snowing like mad. It looks like Dr. Zhivago out there but it is supposed to turn to rain later. I have a matinee of Cirque du Soleil to go to today and if its still snowing, I will walk at least part way I think.
Small dry flakes have been falling through the night. I love being an early riser on mornings like this; I feel as though the morning is mine alone. It’s not only snowy, it’s extremely quiet and still because it is Sunday and at 5:00 am. 
Yesterday masterfully did nothing. I went outside once, to cross the street for bread, otherwise I threw sixteen hours to the wind from a house full of materials recently acquired for the purpose of play.
Sometimes we need to take a break — especially when the only deadline is self-imposed. I’m on a break from my ladies for the weekend.
I read that Short Term 12 was a good movie on Netflix so in the evening I decided to watch it. Big — and I mean big — mistake. It’s about kids in a residential program for troubled teens without families. It stars the brilliant Brie Larson; she truly is amazing in this film as she was in Room.
As I was drawn into the plot it never occurred to me that it might be problematical. I have not seen or read anything like this since being diagnosed with PTSD. So when a scene happened that seemed so mean to me, I lost control. It’s scary to lose control.
It shook me to the core and when I went to the window for fresh air its coldness felt as alienating as the movie. The movie sucked all meaning out of me and I felt as alone and purposeless as I have ever felt.
Life keeps giving me things to talk to Dr. Shoja about.
From a great obituary:
“He lived 1000 years in the 67 calendar years we had with him because he attacked life; he grabbed it by the lapels, kissed it, and swung it back onto the dance floor.”
 “Throughout his life, he was an accomplished hunter and birth control device tester (with some failures, notably Caitlin Connors, 33; Chris Connors, 11; and Liam Connors, 8).”
 “Of all the people he touched, both willing and unwilling, his proudest achievement in life was marrying his wife Emily Ayer Connors….”

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