Friday was lovely. I did nothing, drunk on the freedom of choice when I’m unencumbered by guests. I had two lovely island experiences.
I’m no longer required to produce ID at the post office because everyone knows me by name. And when I called my doctor’s office to ask about my blood test requisition, the clerk said, “What’s your name?” And when I spelled out my last name, she said, “Oh … Chris.”
In the afternoon, a miracle! It’s very hard to describe feelings but late yesterday I suddenly felt “light.” That’s the best way I can think of to describe the feeling. My stutter can feel like a weight on my chest and yesterday I suddenly became aware that the constant sense of weight I live with was gone.
I tried speaking out loud here, at home, where I was alone — circumstances that usually mean I cannot speak at all but I was fluent. It was like I was cured. I’m afraid it’s because I’m alone again. I’m very sad to conclude that there’s a correlation between poor speech and anxiety attacks with guests — no matter how much I love them.
Sadly, this morning I’m back to dysfluency but at least I can expect more breaks from my prison of mute weight in the future.
I live for visits with friends … and my pets and this island life. I love every meter of bumpy road, every quirky resident and every little roadside fruit/vegetable stand. I love the summer ice cream booth, the lush green blanket of the forest floor, the fawns and wild turkeys and the sound of roosters in the morning.
Today is Farmers’ Market day. Yay! And the sun is out so I may be able to add my new parts to my spa sign. If I do, I’ll post a photo later.