Thursday, November 17, 2022

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Winners

Yesterday I wrote a paper for the clinic asking for an annual communications budget to underwrite our newsletter, Facebook management, a website revision, and advertising. And I will be the executive arm of a communications triumvirate consisting of Dyan (Foundation), Nancy (campaign) and me, Mr. fingers-Mouse. And soon, another board member (fundraising) will be part of the communications team.

I’m very excited about Facebook. I cannot believe I am saying that. But it is not part of my personal life like it is with the Foundation where I manage the account and post regularly. Why do I love it? Because yesterday I spent some time to ease my way into how things work, and I found dozens of friend requests (that’s something else I thought I would never talk about), all of which I accepted.

Then I discovered we had 1,800 friends—that’s 1,300 more people than our membership. They’ve friended a silent site. No one had ever posted on our Facebook page until I did yesterday, The Foundation and I are discovering digital networking together. It was a startling and opportune discovery; I’m getting 2 board members committed to creating 2 posts per week with me.

There’s been little communications coming out of the Foundation until I started volunteering. In the past there have only been very infrequent letters to members and the odd article in our local newspaper. In a very short time, I’ve become really a serious contributor to Foundation operations by creating this support network—all envisioned by Dyan. The revised website will take people deeper into issues and offer feedback opportunities on important initiatives—provoked to visit our site by our Facebook page, ads in our local newsletter and our new newsletter.

I’m astounded by what has been achieved, I have to say. I also have to say that I have likely manifested exactly what Dyan wanted. The way she runs the Foundation is going to make us a very successful board. I love being a vital part of the team.

The winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. (Since 1982 the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest has challenged participants to write an atrocious opening sentence to the worst novel never written.)


The 2022 Grand Prize

I knew she was trouble the second she walked into my 24-hour deli, laundromat, and detective agency, and after dropping a load of unmentionables in one of the heavy-duty machines (a mistake that would soon turn deadly) she turned to me, asking for two things: find her missing husband and make her a salami on rye with spicy mustard, breaking into tears when I told her I couldn’t help—I was fresh out of salami.   ~ John Farmer, Aurora, CO 


The 2022 Adventure Winner

“Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard.    ~  Joe Tussey, Daniels, WV                                                 


The 2022 Fantasy & Horror Winner

Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian of the Tome of Remembrance, Herald of the Immortal Word, Voice of the Histories Both Recent and Ancient, Archivist of the Eternal Ledger, and Memory of the Empire had forgotten his quill, but he was pretty sure he got the gist of what what’s-his-face was saying.    ~ Jordan Peace, Mountlake Terrace, WA


The 2022 Odious Outliers Winner

I’m very very good and I know this because momma told me and all her bridge friends that I was an angel she got when the stork dropped me from the sky and she says I’m such a good girl so if you want to be with a real honest to goodness angel tonight come on down to the corner of Bitcoin and Pussycat Way for a very special time with an angel who accepts American Express.    ~ Sharon Durken, Port Wing, WI

Today I get 2 flu shots—one Covid, the other a normal flu shot. And for the rest of the day, I plan to read and relax. I’ve finished by budget pitch document and I’m very proud of it. I’m very confident that it will be approved, so I deserve the day for R&R.

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