Sunday, November 13, 2022

Wildcat, The Crown, and Passionate Eye

Our walk yesterday morning was really lovely. It wasn’t sunny, but it was not cold, and I felt good being outside, so we went on a long walk and saw lots of people on the trails, most of whom were visitors on the island, here for the long weekend. I’ve been feeling weird lately, so feeling good on the walk was a welcome relief from the low-level angst I’ve been experiencing for a while. 

When I got home, I ignored the dishes that needed doing, and the vacuuming, laundry and recycling that all needed my attention, and I settled in for a bit of reading with Bruno. It was so cozy by the fire, armed with a good book. I finished my penultimate Bruno novel and then did all the chores I’d ignored all morning, and when they were done, I took Her Highness for another walk.

It was a very good day. I didn’t feel the sense of dullness that has been festering inside me for the past few days. Everything passes, I know that, but I felt very happy and relieved yesterday to pass a day without a niggling sense of dread. I credit being outside for long walks. 

My friends, Chris and Franny, tore into me about my condition one night, and I’ve heard naught from them since. Originally, I blamed things that she said on the alcohol and edibles she’d consumed, but now, after 10 months, I think I was being dumped as a friend that night. 

I adore Armistead Maupin for many reasons. One of them is for saying something like this: “We all have families—biological or logical.” Hearing that resonated because it gave me a way to have a family. And Chris and Franny were definitely family to me. Suddenly losing friends you love makes being dumped like a death in the family.

Paula is coming on Friday. I thought she was coming this weekend, but she’s coming next weekend. That had her arriving on the day I was due in Nanaimo for my flu shots—Covid and regular flu. So yesterday, I called the BC Vaccination booking line, to change my day.

Good news: I am getting my shots on Thursday here on Gabriola now. Woo hoo!

However, I could barely speak on the phone. I was extremely hard to get started. Very, very slowly and awkwardly, I said that I had a speech impairment and that I hoped that she could be patient with me. She was warm, kind, and gracious in her response. 

People I speak to don’t realize that I, too, am shocked by my inability. I fluctuate between perfect fluency to what I’d call a 4 on a scale of 10. On the phone with the person booking my vaccines, I was about an 8.5, 10 being mute. And I forget. 

I think I’m going to have to write a plan for the monologue festival.

I’ve written the script, and I’ll keep re-writing it and when I’d finished with my brain. I’ll start saying it out loud. Saying it aloud will lead to more revisions that fit the rhythm I need to keep my speech going without stuttering. And then, I think I want to try to say it to a small group of people here, to see what happens.

That may lead to more revisions, and then the script will be ready. Leo and Merrill have said they want to go, and John might come over. Having friends there is vital. They will be safe haven up to the moment I am to speak and right afterwards. The experience could easily overwhelm me and cause me to have a seizure. I want someone I trust beside me.

Then I have to memorize it. Currently, it’s 1,014 words.

It’s memoire. It’s a Ted Talk, it’s performance. It’s a monologue. This multiplicity of function is what makes me feel that my application is a strong contender for the festival. They said I’d hear in the first week of December. That gives me four months to memorize and rehearse.

The latest season of The Crown is painful. I tried to watch it, but it bored me silly. Plus, casting Dominic West in anything is a way to lose me immediately. And why did they change the actor playing Dianna? Last season’s Dianna was well cast I thought, but this season, the actor feels stiff and flat.

Last night, on the Passionate Eye on CBC, I watched a program about the Duke of Windsor. Some German war records were found that implicated the Duke. He was a Nazi sympathizer, that is well known. But he wrote a letter to Hitler suggesting to Hitler that he bomb England more to get them to surrender, motivated by the belief that Hitler would restore him as King.

The documentary was true. The Crown is embarrassing.

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