Friday began with a walk with our friends on a gorgeous morning. It’s truly one of the greatest things about living here, our morning forest walks. The fragrances, the birdsong, and not having to pick up dog poop make our walks fabulous. Dogs have a wonderful intrinsic habit: they don’t poop on the trail. They always venture into the brush to poop. (Tangent: I once came upon a couple on the trail. She was holding their umbrella over her husband who had is pants down and was pooping on the trail!)
When we got home, I was so tired I went back to bed and slept deeply for an hour. When I got up, it was lunchtime for everyone, and once we were all fed and content, I went outside to nap in the sunshine. It’s cool in my house without a fire, so solar heating was in order. And when that was done, I still felt tired and weak, so I put an ad on our two community Facebook pages for garden/yard help. I don’t feel I have the capacity to carry my outdoor furniture into the studio for the Winter.
It was 28° in the afternoon, so we went for a walk. We walked 45 minutes on a trail I like that has only one long very, very gentle slope. I used a cane to give me a greater sense of stability; I felt safer with it. But I see nothing in the forest at all except where I am stepping. If I want to look for Sheba, I stop and look. I watch the ground because I get so weak, my feet barely rise above the ground. My gait has changed dramatically. So, I watch the ground to ensure that I don’t trip. I am afraid to fall.
I am an old man trapped in a body that looks younger and fit. It’s as though I aged 10 years overnight on June 28th. The walk I took today is the most strenuous thing I will do going forward. Forever. I believe I can rake and use the blower and weed eater because I am standing and only moving very slowly when I do these tasks. And I can rest. However, the raked piles will be removed to the back of the lot by someone else.
Fucking hell. What’s next? And when is the next health crisis coming?
Soon, I will be used to this state of being, just as I got used to living with bad speech and seizures.
No comments:
Post a Comment