Today has been hard so far. I am sad that it is my impression that Ahmed has taken a huge step back, and going to rehearsal, a man started cursing like mad at me and two other men, calling us “f**cking fags” and spitting venom at us. One of the men spoke to the driver who called her security contact, and I got off the bus. I did not feel safe.
Coming on the heels of a man, unprovoked, pushing me over into the street, I start to question living where I do, but my condo is perfect—absolutely perfect for me. I have redone every single room in its entirety, even the closets and counters.
David is coming tomorrow for a fitting of all the men’s costumes. That is going to be a bit weird, having another stranger coming into my place.
I found rehearsing hard. The lines are there but I need lots of practice and we are not rehearsing again until Wednesday. I will have to go over all my lines every day if I am to feel pride in this show.
I made a 30-second promotional video with Kim that I think is pretty good.
I keep having bouts of loss of confidence. Today, it has occurred to ask Dwight: “Why do you think I put myself through this?”
I went to the fish store to get some tuna and they had live prawns dying in a tray. I was grief-stricken. I always have trouble with seeing how we treat animals, but I suspect it is more intense because of being in the full throws of the pain of rejection from Ahmed.
I I am very, very VERY excited because Steve, my ex, is coming up for the whole weekend opening.