Monday, April 18, 2016


Costin, my dear colleague in fish management, saw me for the first time today and was his usual exceptional self. We are ridding my tank of guppies; they are inbreeding.

I taxied home rather than walk through town—me, the walker. I put some  new Cardinal Tetras in my talk and then set off for Beth's … alone. What was I thinking?

Within three blocks I was walking with my ears plugged. The sound of my breathing was reassuring. I met Beth and promptly had not one, but two, anxiety attacks. One right after the other. But Beth, bless her, congratulated me on how I dealt with them and she took me by the arm and we walked that way until I felt stronger. Then we had a really lovely walk in the park.

I am really different. It is hard, at this point, to put it into words but its all about how I deal with both my own and other people's emotions. I can hardly wait to see Dr. Shoja tomorrow.

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