Monday, January 9, 2017

Nine Months!

Ten hours sleep without any pills? That’s unheard of chez moi but that’s what I did last night and it feels good because tonight I party.
But today I drive. I have to take my car out once every two weeks for a spin the dealer says, so today I will to Home Depot to search out materials I might be able to use for my sculpture dress. I know what I want to do but I am not clear at all about how to get the effect I want. But that is part of the challenge.
Often during my search for materials to use for a dress I make a compromise. Unable to find what I want, I find a plan B and it has always worked so far.
Early this morning Dwight called and referenced dealing with some stress and that had him wanting to talk to his “brother.” I respond to that emotionally as though I have been told I am deeply loved and that feels as good as sleeping for ten hours.
Nine months ago to the day I woke up with a severe stutter and, yes, tonight I party to celebrate—not that I stutter, but that it hasn’t defeated me.
Dr. Shoja does not address my speech. She is treating, however, my overall anxiety. I had three sessions with Dr. Ramage, the speech therapist, only to have her tell me that she cannot help me. It was she who sent me to Columbia. Next week: Appraisal #2 and then I will find out if they can help me.
So all my advances in speech have been my work: I discovered and practiced my Rand voice, I practiced words that had become impossibly difficult to say until I could say them (eleven, Wednesday), I discovered mirroring and I learned about visualizing from the Stuttering Foundation (that I joined on my own initiative).
Plus: I spoke at The Flame. That was huge and, perhaps, the best thing to point to as proof that I am not going to let stuttering interfere with my life. Hence tonight’s celebration—all that plus that fact that yesterday I finished the first half of the dresses I want for my show.

I fell in love with Dik-Diks in Africa. I LOVE all things
small. These, the tiniest of antelopes, and the Marmosets
I saw inspire incredible awe.

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