Renewed

Over the past two days I exhausted myself with anxiety about maybe having Parkinson’s so last night I went to bed at 8:00 PM. And now its 4:30 AM Friday morning and I’ve awakened feeling like a new man. Can I talk again? No. Can I move my head and arms without shaking? No? But I feel great.

You should see my home. It’s usually very clean and tidy but not any more. It’s chaos and I don’t care. But today I will tidy and clean up—that’s how good I feel again.

I’m back to certainty I don’t have Parkinson’s. But I am anticipating getting a pacemaker. Because they’ve called me in early, I think they’re going to put in a pacemaker.

I hugely admire Dr. Montaner, my HIV doctor. He is the head of the UN’s International AIDS Treatment Strategy. He’s one of the inventors of the AIDS cocktail and I suspect he wants to know with certainty why I am stuttering and have motor control issues. If my drugs are causing this, he would definitely want to know that.

Dr. Montaner was really freaked out by symptoms I’ve attributed to C-PTSD. He said he’d be talking to Dr. Shoja and Dr. Pimstone and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he would want Dr. Pimstone to put in the pacemaker to rule out arrhythmia as the cause of my issues. He said I’d be seeing a neurologist but Dr. Shoja could cause him to change his mind by telling him my symptoms are consistent with C-PTSD. 

All the uncertainty and new conjecture threw me. But it’s remarkable, a little time past and a fabulous night’s sleep and I feel like a far happier man.

I bought some tickets. J'ai eu un ticket pour voir Cuisine et Confessions ce samedi. C'est par Théatre la Seizième. Il a eu des critiques extraordinaires. And in March I am going to see Paradise by Dairakudakan Dance Company. It looks incredible. It’s a butoh/theatre mash up created by Japan’s foremost avant garde troupes.

I feel giddy— happy and light; perhaps a rebounding high from the low of the past two days. Regardless, I feel back to my old self.

Today my mission is the party shop. I’ve had a great idea for a dress: The gambler’s widow dress. If I do it, it will be made of playing cards, dice and poker chips. And to find marbles.