Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Pinecone PARK!

Quelle surprise: I awoke to rain! However, it stopped at 7:00 so I had a spa and saw the sky showing signs of compassion. At 10:00, there was ten minutes of sunshine. Weather prognosticators say tomorrow will be decent and Friday will be a summer-like. And thank God! It’s been kind of grotesque since September 8thwhen summer ended overnight. But my lawn!
When the day had enough light for vision, I had my morning high looking at it. Each day it looks much  better and now much of the yard is looking lush and green where there once was a wasteland. Soon the third section will start sprouting.
As for yesterday, the rain ended at noon, turning to drizzle that lasted for the rest of the day. Although it wasn’t cold, it was damp and so it was really lovely to come inside to a cozy fire and home each time I went out to play with Sheba or to get wood for the fire; I have absolutely no problem passing time indoors. This winter is not going to be a problem. 
About a week ago, I seemed to lose control of my legs. I started going sideways. I felt I couldn’t stand up strait and started falling but I managed to stay upright and in a second or so it was over. But it scared the Hell out of me.
Well yesterday, I had a much longer one. I did not feel I was going sideways, but I had real trouble moving my legs and it lasted much longer. I went outside for fresh air, drank water and lay down … and it passed. But as with last time, it scared the living daylights out of me.
By far the worst part is the fear. It passes quickly but the lingering anxiety brings on an onslaught of PTSD symptoms. Staying calm is starting to feel like a full-time job. It helps to have the hot tub, and I can sooth my soul by communing with my beloved pets, but I have to constantly “use my frontal lobes” (as Dr. Shoja trained me) to fight the anxiety my broken mind produces over anything.
I’m glad I have my alarm and won’t be giving it up.
 At noon today, the sun came out and now there’s nary a cloud in the sky! Am I inclined to work? Not really? I’ll let things dry out a bit today before I pick up any tools.

1 comment:

Surendra Kumar said...

Hi There, Its me surendra from India, New Delhi. How are you. What you do ? I liked your line "I'm addicted to beauty—in art and nature,"
By the way,have you ever thought what is this notion called beauty ?
What is beauty ? What makes beauty " a Beauty " ?