Wednesday, September 29, 2021

No More Seizures

I had a very reassuring meeting with Dr. Majic. I have a much better understanding of blood pressure and how to manage it. He gave me immense relief and, even better, he said that I will not be one of his patients that is moved to another doctor. As well, I now understand why I tire so easily. Yes, I’m getting older, but my heart also now has three scars, one from each heart attack I’ve had, and they compromise my hearts ability to pump blood.

Tuesday morning, Her Highness and I did not go for our regular morning walk. I stayed home so as not to miss the visit of the spa technician, called to address the worrying sounds that the water pump in my spa in my spa is making. He came at noon and quickly determined the problem. He removed the engine and took it away for an overhaul.  A seal had been eroded by leaking spa water.

Shortly after he left, I noticed that the faucet of the kitchen sink is leaking. And when Her Highness and I went walking, I had a hard time getting in. I think the battery in my car open the case. Two more f’ing things that must be fixed or replaced.

Otherwise, the afternoon was fine. We had lots of sunshine and mild temperatures. Still, I didn’t do much. The highlight of the day was the abundance of birds. Lots of Jays, Woodpeckers, Flickers, a Cooper’s Hawk, Towhees and zillions of little ones: Chickadees, Nut Hatchers, Finches, Sparrows, Juncos, and Warblers.

When we went for our afternoon walk, it was as though someone had taped a Forest scented air freshener pad across my nostrils. The uplifting fragrance was intense, and I loved it. And the sunshine! It was truly lovely to experience of being outside today. That too, is intense, because of consciousness of the coming seasons.

The situation with my lawns eats at my soul. How I feel reminds me of how I felt after breakups. It’s like my yard, my offspring, has hideous acne. But it seems ludicrous to re-seed and soil every year.

The name of this blog is The Philocolist.” A lover of beauty. But to make this yard, not into something showy, simply have a recurring lawn, would cost more than I want to spend. The solution for the lawn problem, is for me is to become comfortable with aesthetic compromise.

I reckon I’ll try to find a gardener come Springtime to help me decide what to do. I could get more trees to grow, close to the front of the house—deciduous trees, that would help shade the front lawn and, hopefully, help it endure the Summer. Or I could cover the front lawn with mulch. I’m considering options to discuss with the incoming gardener who will be young, fit, obscenely handsome and prone to working shirtless in shoulder-strap coveralls. Duh!

The amount of time since my last seizure keeps expanding. If they’re not over completely yet, they will be because the gaps between feel like eternity now. I don’t warn people about the possibility of my having one anymore. For me now, FND is only a speech problem. On the outside.

I stopped going to Dr. Shoja, but I haven’t stopped thinking. My thinking drove the narrative of our sessions over all those years. She helped me understand how our mind and our emotions can have significant impact on our bodies, and she helped me adjust to communicating so differently.

My thinking has changed my relationship with my past. There’s the cliché of “letting go,” but I don’t know what that means. My memories don’t hurt quite as much anymore. I mean, Jesus, I’m, about to become 74. It’s about time.

I see myself differently. If I was writing a biographical screenplay, I’d describe Chris as ‘damaged, but a survivor,’ but the focus of the story would be about the wisdom and courage of survivors.

Days 1and 2 of my dieting have passed well. Mr. Rebound Dieter is going down again. I’m in no hurry, this is going to be show but sure. And I know, that this has to be forever if I want to stay healthy.

And yay! My spa is back in working condition and really nice and quiet now. One thing off my ‘to do’ list.

No comments: