I felt betrayed and defeated late Friday afternoon.
I’d decided against daily drugs. I felt I was doing too well. But then late yesterday afternoon I joined Larry, Allan and Camille at the Sylvia for drinks. They had invited three friends who joined us and, unfortunately, I had a total meltdown.
The incident felt like a huge regression. One minute I was laughing and having fun with Allan and Camille and then four other people arrived and I quickly lost my ability to talk and started having seizures.
It’s terribly frustrating not having any idea why these incidents occur. Without understanding why things happen, what am I to learn from such an incident? I went to a party of as many people at Christmas and it was fine— perhaps because I knew all the guests and it was in a home I’d been to before.
Did I have my meltdown because the newcomers were strangers? Is it because the bar was too busy and full of people? Allan and Larry had to drive me home. I went to bed at 9:30, exhausted from the ordeal, and had a very deep sleep.
Obviously I will talk to Dr. Shoja about what happened on Tuesday. In the meantime, the incident has convinced me to fill my prescription and to start Cipralex today. It’s time.