I felt betrayed
and defeated late Friday afternoon.
I’d decided
against daily drugs. I felt I was doing too well. But then late yesterday
afternoon I joined Larry, Allan and Camille at the Sylvia for drinks. They had
invited three friends who joined us and, unfortunately, I had a total meltdown.
The incident felt
like a huge regression. One minute I was laughing and having fun with Allan and
Camille and then four other people arrived and I quickly lost my ability to
talk and started having seizures.
It’s terribly
frustrating not having any idea why these incidents occur. Without
understanding why things happen, what am I to learn from such an
incident? I went to a party of as many people at Christmas and it was
fine— perhaps because I knew all the guests and it was in a home I’d been to
before.
Did I have my
meltdown because the newcomers were strangers? Is it because the bar was too
busy and full of people? Allan and Larry had to drive me home. I went to bed at
9:30, exhausted from the ordeal, and had a very deep sleep.
Obviously I
will talk to Dr. Shoja about what happened on Tuesday. In the meantime, the
incident has convinced me to fill my prescription and to start Cipralex today.
It’s time.
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