Monday, February 25, 2019


I am through with seizures. (My last one was January 11th.)
A couple of times with DR here, I’ve “hit a wall.” I’ve suddenly been unable to speak at all. But … after about thirty seconds I’ve regained my (halting) speech. When it happened the second time, I realized: “That might have been the vestige of a seizure.”
Over the past thirty-three months, my seizures have changed from violent physical exertions to the mild, barely discernable interruptions that I experienced with DR. I truly believe I’m over them—perhaps not completely and forever. I may seize again during a real-life crisis, but they are gone from my day-to-day life. Amen!
I’ve been‘high” ever since realizing and accepting the change for the better. I can go to movies, now, and concerts; I can go swimming,no longer worry any about losing my driver’s license and I don’t have to warn people when I go to meetings with strangers. It’s a huge change and an enormous relief.
But it’s also weird—like waking from a bad dream. 
I don’t reallyneed to live here any more; it was to reduce the number of seizures that I moved here. I’m flush with a sense of rebirth. I feel rushes of desire to move again, to where there are more people. The world is available again; the thought of a ferry ride or being in an airplane is less frightening. 
But I’m not going to move. I’ll do nothing rash. I’ll stay put and get used to being a person who doesn’t have seizures just like I got used to having them. (The downside of my acceptance of my seizures over the past three years is that I have to make another “shift” in my understanding of who I am. I don’t find it easy to sustain these “shifts” in states of being.)
Saturday was easy. DR and I went to Drumbegfor a nice walk and then to the village for lunch. After lunch, we chilled and played Cribbage until almost six o’clock. After that, it was Happy Hour, dinner and early to bed. I loved playing Crib!
Sunday I went for the community dog walk. It was sunny and warm(ish) and I loved it. It was the nicest walk in months. Right after I got home, DR left and I did naught for the rest of the day. Then I watched the Oscars which was, for me, a series of disappointments in fancy dress (except for the win by Olivia Coleman).
It disgusted me to see the two remaining members of Queen sitting back, looking cold and not clapping whilst we heard an Oscar winner from their movie praising Freddie Mercury in his acceptance speech. 
Favourite moment: An Oscar winner for the film Period. End of Sentencesaying, “I can’t believe a film about menstruation won an Oscar!”
It’s still cold outside but it’s going to be sunny today and for the next week. This week’s dog walks will be pleasant—I think I’ll try to avoid walking with the military man. I’ll spend the week casually cleaning up the yard. 
Dwight may visit at the end of the week. Paula is coming the week after that. These visits will be wonderful given that I’ve no concern about seizing. Man-oh-man I’m happy that phase of my life is over. 

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