In Nanaimo

I haven’t had a seizure in months, and I can go anywhere on Gabriola and be fluent. When I go to the big island, I am mute in many situations.

When I was very young, I had the impression, (who knows why!) that schizophrenia meant having a split personality. There were many movies and television shows, wherein a villain had a split personality. That’s how I feel: There’s me with symptoms and me without; there’s me on Gabriola, there’s me anywhere else.

I have visitors coming: Paula, Steve and Beth and Shari together. My symptoms tend to come out when visitors come, just like when I’m off Gabriola. All my friends know that, and they all are fine with me however I present. 

Once, my FND took over my entire life. But now, over five years of living with it, FND is not in my life very much, and when it is, it’s a trifle of what it was. Five years! Now I feel that it is a minor problem. I’m fluent most of the time, and more in control of myself. Frankly, compared to FND, a heart attack is nothing.

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Sheba had a rough day. I took her for lots of walks between errands, and each errand was short. But she could not relax, so when we got home, she crashed. I was capable of nothing once back at home except crash on the couch and wait for fatigue to lure me to my bed.

When I got home, I felt as though being in a loving mother’s arms. Sheba went to bed, and the cats joined me on the couch. Then, one of the best parts of every day: Getting into bed. Sheba always comes and curls up against me; we spoon, and through the night she moves from close and snuggly, to the foot of the bed on her own. Back and forth through the night and I love every second of it. And I love, in the morning, lying there awake for a while, and the cats often join us. That’s my sex life.

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What I learned in Nanaimo at the clinic: My heart is working well 90% of the time. My pacemaker is only needed 10% of the time, so the battery will last fifteen years! All of this is excellent news.