Friday, June 17, 2022

A Dream, A Foretelling

Thursday was largely an indoor day. I’m in full surveillance mode, monitoring Sheba’s every move to ensure that she doesn’t do further damage to her foot. So far, she’s had at herself twice since I discovered half a pad missing from her foot.

I did do some yard work, but I spent more time reading than working. I’ve started my first Martin Walker novel. I have about a dozen of his Bruno novels, and I am thoroughly enjoying this first one. For one thing, Bruno is not a flawed Christ figure like Louise Penny’s Inspector Gamache. Bruno is a minor police figure. 

However, very much like Gamache, food is a very big part of Bruno’s life. And Bruno, too, is French. He lives and works in the Dordogne and visits many small villages that I visited in the past: Rocamadour, Isle sur la Sorgue, Périgueau, and Périgord. I still can’t comprehend why I love murder mysteries so much, but I sure do when they are very well written.

Last night I had a dream. It involved me wandering aimlessly around downtown Vancouver at the conclusion of a large conference, full of activities and lectures. I walked aimlessly because I was conflicted about what to do, where to go. I was sure I’d left things in the hotel I’d stayed in during the conference, so I wanted to go back. But I also thought I had left things in the conference centre, so I wanted to go there as well. I had a sense of being homeless as I wandered. I had no sense of where I belonged, and I was alone all through the dream.

I awoke filled with the emotion of the dream, and it seemed to me that the conference was an allegory of life, full of adventures and learning, and the end of the conference felt like the last stage of my life, alone and lost. It made me afraid for my future.

I don’t know if I know anyone else as solitary as I am, with no siblings, no family and no children. I have no one on whom I can depend for the end stages of my life. I’ve always been aware of my unlinked life, but I’ve never felt fear like I did in the early morning hours of this morning after awaking from my dream. It’s been sobering.

It’s bright and sunny today but the ground is soaking wet. I’ll be able to do more yard work before going to Stacy’s for dinner.

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