Back to the Cheerleader

It’s Wednesday morning and I am completely locked up. I couldn’t get my tongue, lips and jaw to move properly in order to speak to Leon. So what do I do? Burst into tears. Maybe because a couple of significant anniversaries are coming — and no, I don’t mean the birth of the baby, Jesus.

Yesterday I had a 10:00 am appointment with Dr. Shoja. I came home right afterwards and did absolutely nothing all day. I even had a nap — in my bed. That is not at all normal, but I think I come home from all my appointments with her tuckered out.

I had a frightening emotional experience two weeks ago and I still have no idea why. She said that it it’s part of having C-PTSD. But she promised that next week we will discuss strategies for coping with these rapid and sudden-onset glooms. I have no idea how to get out of them.

I only see her twice in December, the devil’s month. But the good news is that for the rest of my life she’ll be at the other end of the phone. Life jacket!

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Detectorists on Netflix is absolutely delicious. I love every quirky character! The star/writer/director, Mackenzie Crook, is a genius writer, perfectly matched to my sense of humour. And, oh my God, Toby Jones! He is hilarious and touching; at times he had me weeping in the arc about his secret  “girl friend.” The man is one of the most talented actors ever. Every episode of this show is pure heaven.

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Having rejected the needlework for the apron, and because the black aida cloth won’t be here for a month so I can start again, this time white on black instead of the reverse, I’m back to the cheerleader outfit and the challenge of its bodice.

I’ve been churning over ideas to come up with plan A for them — the plan that so often fails. I’d have more fun doing the cheerleader pompoms, but figuring out how to get what I want is the challenge and joy of this project.

I surprised by how much trouble I have getting started. Doing the crest was a total joy — I will finish it today — and I am happy with the outcome. Doing the pompoms will be a treat too. But the jersey and skirt are always a challenge — I am afraid, every time, of failure even though, somehow, everything eventually works. Plus, once I get started, it overtakes me; the rest of my life falls by the wayside once I start but I have three days ahead of me with no obligations, rain predicted and all the materials I need to finish the cheerleader.

On the other hand, one aspect of this project that I like is that there is no deadline.