Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Tender Tuesday

Marta Gonzáles danced with the NYC Ballet; she now has Alzheimers.

I’ve calmed down. The ‘high’ of the conference is settling, but I’m still reeling from the emotional impact of the experience. I feel so much ‘lighter!’ And I’m angry at Cathy, the mental health nurse here, who called my symptoms “indulgences.” She needs some humility and education.

“Lighter” is the right word. It’s such a good feeling. And although it’s largely due to believing in a neurophysiological cause for stuttering, my improved sense of wellbeing is also due to my lighter actual weight. Even though I’m eating much more, including a few grams of cookie, I’m still losing weight—just much more slowly.

Monday was just about simple things: Walking Sheba, tidying up, shopping and parsing all I’d taken in at the conference. Plus, I’m excited about having a visitor and tiny dinner party on Thursday with long-time friends. It was cloudy all day and rained in the late afternoon. It was a nice slow day of big fires.

Today will be similar, but it’s likely to be a drier cooler day. I desperately want to settle into a good book, but I’m still too speedy to sit and read, so today I’ll likely go into the village to seek an alternative glue that will dry more quickly than the one I’ve been using, and finish the first curtain in the studio.

Plus, we’ll walk and I’m going to bake a tart. I’m so, so happy. This wonderful state of being, the guests coming, the lingering high of the conference need to be celebrated.

I’ll be doing something and then, out of the blue, I’ll “see” Karen in my mind laughing or, better yet, challenging something I’ve said. I really miss her, and it made me realize how awful it was when Cathy died a couple of years ago. Her death was even harder because we saw each other so, so often.

No comments: