Suddenly, just like that—‘snap’—my speech is much better. This, after two months of real difficulties and using my Rand voice. For the first time in months, I can speak out loud to myself. I’ve been fluent on the phone with Bruce and Dwight. I wish, I really wish, that I knew why I’ve had so sudden an improvement. I wish I knew how to make it happen, as well.
Last night I watched About A Boy. I love Hug Grant. He’s better since leaving his ‘pretty boy’ roles and gained character in his face. I just love him, and the movie. I love happy endings when well done. Then I watched Jane Eyre, the one with Michael Fassbinder as Mr. Rochester. I stuck with it because it seems to have been art directed by Vermeer.
I’m glad it’s better, of course! But even so; I hate the changed. It’s like Daylight Saving time in my head. I must change, not the clock, but my understanding of myself and my expectations when it comes to speech. Every time it changes, I must rediscover what works and what doesn’t. For example, I like many stutterers, I cannot speak my name. That’s the litmus test: Saying, or trying to say, one’s name.
One thing I forgot to mention here was watching Tick Tick Boom on Netflix the other day. I loved every second of it. It’s not for everyone, but I love Broadway and (good) musical theatre. Andrew Garfield is amazing in it, it’s directed by Lin Manuel Miranda (swoon), and it’s about Jonathan Larson, the incredible writer/composer who wrote Rent.
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