Bookending

Tuesday morning and still no word about Bruce from Ravenna; I’m desperate for news.

The mantra of my conscious mind is: “No news is good news;” anxiety hyjacks my subconscious. Instead of obsessing about him, however, I am going full bore on my project.

I’m in creator’s paradise. There’s an exciting opportunity on the table and a script open on my computer and when I tire of writing I get up, go into the kitchen and I work on dress number ten.

I’m currently carving “Mother” into it in a kind of cursive script this time, and I’m loving re-writing the script. I am hugely inspired by Rachel’s enthusiasm for my concept. For the first time in my life, I am confident.

When Leon wandered into my life I had a thought I’ve never forgotten because when I was young and miserable I identified with a beautiful white cat that our neighbours across the street, the Blanches, had. They never let him indoors and I ached for him.

Then they moved to California and they gifted me with their white cat, Aleck. He was my first experience with trust and love in a harsh lonely world, so when Aleck arrived I thought God was bookending my life with another feline blessing. It was scary and wonderful. I had a “this means my life is almost over” feeling.

And now I feel God is bookending my life again and sending me the same message in a wonderful perfect way because the Arts Club is where my life began — where my life took on meaning. I found my people and my career there.  That’s why I’m so hopeful and planning to work so hard until June 19^th when the script is due.

The other reason is, as I said: Confidence. I’ve never had it before. But I do now.

I knew my show was a good idea. But I didn’t know if others would. But Rachel, a dramaturge, called it “brilliant.” Swoon.

So dress work is for fun, intellectual relief and to get on my feet once in a while. Otherwise all that matters now are the words on the page.