Above is my homemade fire hazard. It’s a sauna, the water comes out of the papier maché drying inside. The heat comes from my heater right beside paper. It’s actually my drying chamber. Things have to dry in a certain shape so they have to dry quickly and be carefully supported whilst they are drying.
I hated seeing the neurologist. It was not my idea! He reassured me there was nothing wrong with my brain. I knew that. But there is and that says a lot about him. There is just nothing pathologically wrong with my brain and there’s a difference. He didn’t make the distinction so he winds up giving me that “you have wasted my time” feeling when he says: “There’s nothing I can do for you.” I knew that. I didn’t expect him to do anything. I just wanted out of there and to take a bath and pretend it never happened.
Okay… another lesson learned. Dr. Shoja says that the more I stay inside, the harder it will be to go outside. I’m sort of already noticed that. So point taken. I may try early morning walks when summer the hot weather comes, when it is quiet and tranquil — like at 5:00 am.
As my friend Beth did, Dr. S. cautioned me about “getting my hopes too high” about the Arts Club. Will I be sad if they say No? Probably. Will it last? I doubt it. The thing is, the key voice (the dramaturge) has read a scenario and scanned the first draft and she called it “brilliant.” That was the actual word she used and that word is why I am so excited. It’s her fault.
If the Arts Club does say No, I will ask for insight into its deficiencies if they don’t offer it. Doing so would make the experience productive and worthwhile and ease the pain. But I know that soon my mind will turn to Plan C: finding a co-producer and carrying on or using them in some way as a fundraiser for a charity.
There’s a charity here that gives makeovers to women on the Downtown Eastside who are determined to find a job. The charity dresses them up, coaches them and helps them with a resumé and I think that might be a good fit with my dresses. I could organize a charity auction of the ladies, perhaps, and take a percentage to recover my costs…. It’s an idea.
After a long time thinking about it, I wrote to Boca and told them what I thought of their rejection process. I told them I was writing on behalf of future applicants. Their treatment of me was really insulting; they should have offered some insight in return for all the work I did and I said so. I am certain that their rejection was cut and pasted into all the rejection emails to program applicants.
Three letters to Charlotte came yesterday. It’s exciting to have them to add to the Arts Club package.
This morning, 9:00 am, I’ve an appointment with the new physiotherapist. I am keen to see what he says and does but I am not looking forward to another day of stuttering and spasticity. I’m f**king sick of stuttering and jerking.