Pin Vise

This is a pin vise.
 It's my new favourite thing.

It’s blissful working in the sunshine in my kitchen as I did on Sunday. I was alone all weekend at home so I had no episodes, stuttering or jerking. Then I went out for dinner — a White Spot hamburger to celebrate successfully carving “survivor” into dress #10.

As soon as I got outside, anxiety grabs me by the gut. I can feel it. My hands tense up, my wrists curl and my arms fold into my chest. Then I start jerking. Then comes staccato breathing so I decide to get take-away instead of eating in the restaurant.

I’d brought a New Yorker with me to read so I started reading it while I waited for my order. At one point a noise launched me from my seat. I looked up and it started again: The tight chest, the jerks and breathing and right away I realized that if I got my mind back into what I was reading, my anxiety would settle down.

It works perfectly, but only with the New Yorker because I am so in love with that magazine and can read everything. Now I have a brilliant new (non-medical) technique for calming myself: Reading. So now I carry a New Yorker with me all the time for when I am on transit or waiting to see a doctor or for food.

This morning I started more letters: “Girl Power.” These ones are smaller and harder but I can tell as I learn I am getting better. And I’m really excited because I am going to Lee Valley Tools (drool) to get a pin vise or model-maker’s drill with which to make cutting out my letters easier. (I hope.)