Thursday, January 30, 2020


Last night was extraordinary. The sky was incredibly clear; the stars seemed closer than they’ve ever seemed before. Summer air contains particulates from forest fire smoke, pollen and dust from the dry earth, so it’s not as startlingly clear as was last night’s sky. 
The sunshine of the day yesterday, plus my many accomplishments as concerns errands and maintenance of Pinecone Park had me in the finest of moods, and so my speech was remarkably good. In fact, I’ve never felt so optimistic about my future mental health as I have of late. For the first time since my breakdown four years ago, I believe that some day I’ll be fluent again.
This CBT is a serious challenge. I have books to read, websites to visit and a journal to keep—in longhand. I’m to parse my emotional responses to the various (innumerable) triggers that cause me to have my “indulgences.” I feel I’ve absorbed the essential principals of self-help; putting them into practice will be the challenge.
I’ve also really chuffed by the return of my ability to concentrate. I wasn’t able to stick to anything these past four years—my creative projects virtually stopped dead, I’d get lost in television shows and reading anything long form, was impossible. But last night I finished my six hundred-page book and I’ve begun another (Purity) and ordered yet another (Freedom) both by Jonathan Franzen.
It’s wonderful to have my love of reading back. 
There’s naught but rain in the forecast for the next eight days, but it’s not been raining yet today and tomorrow is predicted to be 14°!
Last night in my dream I was in a musical theatre restaurant wherein staff were performing and befriending me. I had a great, great time!
I cancelled my appointment with Dr. Shoja and my flights back and forth to Vancouver for late February. Working with the local mental health nurse is so much easier and far less expensive. Plus, I feel it’s working. 

Look at that carpet!

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