Thursday, August 25, 2022

I Stutter. But I Need You to Listen. | NYT Opinion

The best part of the film above, sent to me by Juliette, is when he says how people saying 'take a deep breath' or 'relax, take it easy' worsens things. My problem is blocks.

I’m so, so glad the bat is gone and that the cats are protected. The bat people think that I have bats in my attic because the bat of this weekend was my second and that is very unusual. So, the cats will get another shot in a year, and I will keep them protected henceforth in case there is a bat cave in my attic.

And bless my forgiving cats. They betray not a bit of anger about the crates, the drive, and the shot. They reverted to their normal selves once they were home and we’ve had lots of petting and purring. I am very relieved.

After the vet, Sheba and I took a long walk together. It was a beautiful morning for a walk. There was a slight breeze and moderate temperatures. It’s hot in the sunshine, but deliciously fresh in the shade. When we got home, I started the mammoth task of watering the gardens before coming in for lunch. I could hardly wait to stop watering and settle down with Bruno. Sunday was my crash, and every day since has been busy, busy, busy. Today will be my first day of true rest. And it worked, by the evening I was speaking better.

In December of last year, my voice got very bad. That’s why I started studying ASL. I thought I might never speak again, and that’s basically what happened again on Sunday. But I’m gaining ground. I still have recovering to do. I’m a long way from where I was last week, but I feel very optimistic. 

When these sudden declines happen, I panic. It’s understandable, but I’m over that panic now. I’ve become so used to this constant variance in my ability to speak that I don’t care anymore. Yes, it’s inconvenient. Yes, it slows my ability to communicate and forces me to write a lot. But so what?! It doesn’t hurt, it’s not life threatening, and I can always communicate. I knew that if I waited a bit, things would be better—either my speech or my attitude would improve.

This morning began with the most beautiful radiant red sunrise and all my gardens are watered, so today, the entire day is mine to do as I please. Today is a true day for just chilling.

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