Sunday, May 13, 2018

Rand is Back

I watched a Robin bathe in my fountain late this afternoon. It was hot today and it liked to just nest in the cool water as well as to fluff and wash. The rest of the day I rested except for the Sunday morning group dog walk. It was very warm today. I don’t use any heat at all now.
I used to think psychosomatic meant fake. Now I am overwhelmed by the power of my mind to affect my body. My mental ill health robs me of speech, literally collapses me and can thrash me around on the floor and instills a feeling like there’s cement in my chest. 
I’m afraid that there’s a correlation between visitors, for whom I live, and relapses. That scares me. What am I supposed to do, not see my friends? That’s cannot happen. 
It’s not the people; it’s the absence of solitude. This will be the subject of my conversation with Dr. S. tomorrow. How to avoid relapses — or “flares” as she calls them — is my concern. But so is having visitors.
I think Sheba is thrilled to be practically nude for summer.
Tomorrow is a very full day. I leave here at 6:50 am and arrive in Vancouver at 7:40. I’m going to be flying on a stunning morning and flying home on a hot afternoon. I’m very keen about seeing Dr. S. 
People don’t name their voices, but some stutterers do. I do. My voice is “Chris’ voice.” It has a name because I have a character voice I call Rand because character voices are fake accents people with a severe stutter use to communicate. Dr. Ramage taught me this trick.
Well for the past few days, even Rand could not talk. That is really unusual. But today I could talk as Rand on the dog walk. I’m getting better again.


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