Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Is Issa the Reason?

My friends, Eoin’s and François’s, pigs, lying in yesterday's sunshine.

Zooming with Dr. Shoja was intense. Next time, she says, she’s going to try to teach me how to feel “safe” when I’m with people. She says that’s the way to speak better. 

She asked me what I thought made me get worse. I told her I had no idea. She asked if it might be because I’d started seeing her again. I told her I did not think that was the problem, and then, out of nowhere, I started talking about Leo’s and Merrill’s baby, Issa; I think that she may be the reason I got worse now.

Issa is a happy baby. She smiles readily and her huge eyes take in everything. I adore her and Merrill is generous with her and me; she lets me hold Issa whenever I want. To be around Issa, is to want to touch her. I adore her, and it’s been interesting to feel the strong draw to her in me. That powerful draw made me think about its absence in Connie and Don Tyrell.

Before I met Dr. Shoja, I thought the only problem in our family was my father’s brutality, but Dr. S. believes that their inattention, they’re banning me to my room all the time and never touching me or doing anything with me, their complete indifference all day every day, was far, far worse and I believe her. I reckon Issa’s presence in my life may be the reason I sank lower into this condition I have.

When Dr. S. and I were finished, I took Sheba for a nice long warm beautiful walk, then I came home and went to bed. I did not feel like doing anything except resting. The hour of talking wore me out. 

On the plus side, it was the nicest day of the year, so far. It was just beautiful, but I wanted nothing to do with it. I just wanted to rest. But my afternoon was a delight, our walk was done with me in a t-shirt, shorts and sandals and nothing beats that.

Today I do the morning walk with our friends. When I do some food shopping and then I’ll come home to do yard work until it’s time to go to the medical clinic to find out what my blood tests revealed that’s of concern to my local doctor. 

There is still naught but sunshine and warm temperatures in the forecast. We’re not going to have any mosquitoes this year because there is absolutely no standing water anywhere except out local lakes and ponds that are far, far from my house.  

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